How did we get here?


Loving an addict is hard.
Not hard like waking up on a Monday morning and having to go to work all week.
Hard like omg I'm going to die if I don't get them back home in front of me asap. Like my heart and soul shut down. Racing thoughts, worst case scenario on repeat in my head.
I have been on both sides of this fence. I don't know which is worse and that shouldn't even be the argument. Both are equally bad.
Loving an addict drains everything inside of me, I get lost in the background and the focus is solely on them. I don't know how to help, I know how to help get resources and treatment set up, but I don't know how to help ease their hurt. Tough love or enabling. Those are my go to's. I don't know how to detach lovingly. I don't know how to step back. Al Anon would be a good tool for me I'm sure. My heart is tired.
I can't control others.
Say it again.
I can't control others.
One more time, I can't control others.
You know what I can do though? I can do my best to make a happy home, I can love my son to pieces and remind him of that every single second of the day. I can keep up on my recovery. I can do anything that I need to do. I can do ANYTHING. Don't lose yourself in someone else's problems.

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