This is me.
I grew up in Duluth Minnesota. Born in 1992. I don't remember much from my early childhood, but I do remember feeling like I had to grasp onto anything or anyone that came near. My parents worked a lot, trying to provide for my older sister and I. When I was in middle school I started shoplifting. I began hanging out with kids who got into trouble. By the time I was in 6th grade I was already on probation. By the end of 8th grade I decided I wanted to go to a different high school. I went to East, I hung out with the popular kids, the cheerleaders. I was chubby, I was awkward, and I felt as though I didn't fit in with them. I was teased and made fun of by the older kids. The first time I smoked weed I was with my sisters friends. We ate and laughed and I felt like I fit in. I started going to parties, I started drinking. When Oxycontin came into my life the world stood still. That was it. That is what was missing in my life. I was 15. When I was 18 I switched to heroin. Oxy's were hard to find and too expensive. Heroin became my whole world. I would do terrible things during this time. I lived in my car, I lived in and out of treatment facilities. The day I shot up for the first time is embedded in my mind. My best friend was already shooting up at this time. Her and I were partners in crime, we did everything together. Helped each other survive. I felt that smoking it wasn't doing enough for me anymore. She got the shot ready for me, tied off my arm and I closed my eyes terrified of the chapter I was opening. We sat on her couch of her parents house and everything changed that day. Heroin wasn't my only love anymore. That needle was my new love. It was exciting, dangerous and beautiful in my eyes. Oh how wrong I was. I destroyed my life. I threw it in the trash.
Years passed, my addiction became worse. I went to treatment numerous times, I never truly wanted sobriety though. The last time I ever used I was in a hospital detoxing, I shot up heroin in my IV in the hospital bathroom while smoking a cigarette. That was September 6th 2015. I went to treatment at New Beginnings in Waverly. A tiny town four hours from home. I was defiant, I tested limits, and I didn't take it seriously. My mom called me and told me Duluth was no longer my home and to not come back. I was mad at the time, I thought she didn't understand. But, she saved me. My counselor sent me to Rochester to a halfway house called The Gables. I met with my counselor and the first thing that came out of my mouth was don't let me go back home no matter how hard I try to convince you. She listened. She promised. A week later I told her I was strong enough to move back to Duluth now, she laughed and gave me an assignment. I despised her. She didn't understand.
I got a shitty job at a shitty restaurant. I picked up every shift I could to get out of that halfway house. Let me tell you, living with 30 women is not the best time. I saved money, I built friendships, I went to every single AA meeting I could possibly go to. I created a tribe. I built a new life. Three months passed and it was almost time for me to graduate the halfway house. I decided to stay in Rochester. That counselor changed me. I didn't despise her anymore, I loved her. I trusted her.
I have been sober for 3 years and 3 months. I have a son Kingston, hes the most beautiful thing I've ever seen and I cannot believe I created something so perfect. Life is not easy, I still struggle often. I work in a treatment center and it is exhausting but beautiful. I am growing up, kinda... Life is a giant learning experience and I'm still learning. I am ever growing.
Please keep growing!
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